I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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