She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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