why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize