Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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