I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
