She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
