We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize