We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He did a backflip because drugs
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