So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Randomize
