I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
