I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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