she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
