a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize