I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
