in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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