sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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