He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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