your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They have beer where we have blood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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