low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
