I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
