I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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