Me too!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize