I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
