She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
