we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize