Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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