Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
