So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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