you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
