cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
