Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
