My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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