im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
