oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
