The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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