Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
