that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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