this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
