he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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