That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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