White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize