He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My vagina is officially offended.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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