I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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