i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
