i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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