so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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