part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
