i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize