This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
