..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
