loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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