Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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