In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
