Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
