So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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