i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you traded sex for a burrito?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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