My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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