he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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