Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
