Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
