Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize