I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
