I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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