Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
