what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
