actually, I'm a sock model
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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