Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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