I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
