Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
