I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
