I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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