I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
