I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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