what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think I have vodka in my lungs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
