hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It's Friday. Sex?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
