In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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