i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
