I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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