Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
