other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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