note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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