He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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