he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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