Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish you could order shots online.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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