I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
farters have to be the big spoon...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
