Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
