and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
