I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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