Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This girl is more easily done than said...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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