Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
