I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
