just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
