I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
