im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
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