Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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