ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
