I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
